One Liners

[mvrigger]

I once met the surgeon general, he offered me a cigarette.
I definitely think I drink too much, the last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it

 

[pikespeakmtnman]

I ran into my ex the other day....then I backed up and ran into her again. I miss her sometimes.

 

[BluesBelly]

- Impotence: nature's way of saying "No hard feelings

- It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm

 

[1biker]

A judge in your back pocket is better than a lawyer on retainer any day.

 

[Bluebowtie]

I pissed a maintenance guy off with this one twice this week at work when he showed up with no tools to fix a broken piece of equipment.

You know what they say about a maintenance guy with no tools? He's as worthless as tits on a teddy Bear.



Sent from the mobile leash

 

[Mojo]

Ive finally reached the age where my brain has switched from . . . you probably shouldn't do that to:
Oh what the hell, lets see what happens!

 

[Bones]

It's not a one liner, but, I got to thinkin' the other night.....

Breast implants should have squeaky toys in them. Wouldn’t that be fun?

 

[CrBear]

And you think Facebook wastes production..... I could spend hours...

 

[Knotts89]

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

I don't play games, I quit school cause of recess.